heaven
can
wait
forever
breakfast
can't wait
alarms ring
inside thin
apartment
walls
though her
sister couldn't
hear the slapping
phone calls
duty calls
'you're not my type,
but we must
fuck now'
her dark curls
harbor fallen
flakes of
skin
it tangles thick
like mine
i pull hard
i squeeze and bite
but i never
get her there
now she's
the one
noticing
my age
gray temples
ragged rainbow beard
condoms cinch
my strength
again
i wish
Em had
let me in
at full mast
instead
of borrowing
phrases
like
'full mast'
to
describe
other
lovers
the week of halloween
Twenty Fourteen
Knights of Cocaine
bleed into early
days with strangers
their exotic hides
educated accents
mysterious yellow
powders
in pouches
and narcotic
nightmares smear
into colorful
confirmations:
i succeeded in making
a beast of me;
speed and ecstasy and
this ghastly
revelation smolder
until familial
support appears
an apparition
driving me north
under blankets
under hard narcotics
the needles drop
the wax crackles
and shoulders
squeeze, release;
and also the thighs,
i realize on waking with
a text from you
its truly through
and the doctor
slides it in
expertly
my veins don't
yet recoil
its early
its warm
under the soil
tonight was one
of those
without a woman
after so many
consecutive
women
we shot half
an oxy
per head
and drank
sierras
as the crowd
poured over
into our bar
the fellas made
bird calls
and supposed how
much cash
the bar made
minor celebrities burned
in the fantastic light
of harsh memory
i've never chewed
a bite
of food
25 times
in my life
was it the night
we mainlined coke,
or the night
i went to hear
emily read
and then drank
well tequila?
different potions
different meals but
the same
spray of
poorly-chewed
mushrooms and strange
stomach stuff
ended up in
front of me
swimming in
different toilets
thats me
she was long
lean
shorn and drunk
and she
fell asleep
at a reading
before that she
scared away a
perfectly
polite woman
sat next
to her
giggling
stupidly
at all the
wrong moments
"I feel like i
laugh
at all the
wrong times.
am i laughing
too much?"
"no, girl,
yr fine. its
dark, its funny."
she took off her
pants and wrapped
my blanket
around her
over reflective
green briefs
so tight
you could see
the beads of jewelry
in her mound
pressing
the fabric
she kept
adjusting
that improvised
toga and
waving that
neon cunt
at the air
above my knee
and we ground
the air
between
us,
a joke that
didn't get old
i laugh at all the
wrong moments
at intermission
this other
hot mess
from the hood
was practically
on the nod
and, boy,
did they hit it off
"do you want to be
my friend? let's
be friends!"
i winced
after
intermission
the lights went
down as she
cuddled up
stroked my
shoulders
grazed my fingers
and passed
the fuck
out against
my chest
i laugh at all
the wrong
moments
