synesthesia

PROJECTION I

we stood around in the cold
like a bunch of kids
waiting for permission

I left only the parking lights on
when I started to drive you across town
and could’ve got us thrown in jail
with the half-burnt bomber in the ashtray
and you were speedy as all hell

I felt like I couldn’t keep up
with the demand, and we volleyed the
aloofness back and forth at one another
and I left a party full of strangers;
nice enough people but I didn’t know them
and anyway
none of them were you

PROJECTION II

I had been tensing my jaw all night
and grinning wide while I moved
self-aware in the fake fog and the
humid darkness looking for a girl
in a green sweater I met upstairs
and then followed with my eyes
all night, then that friendly
sweaty guy hugged me, and
she shrugged

ORDINAL LINGUISTIC PERSONIFICATION

I assign arbitrary personalities
to numbers 1 through 9, and
when I send out a message
I drain the bottle first
then with great care and focus
I scribble something off the
top of my head which
I will later regret or
find better perspective
on in the future

mugwump luv

hooked up to a nectar-dispensing device that swells you briefly, then leaves you craving more sugar, more stares, more bald-faced attempts…

my dried husks of mobile intention blow away, turn to dust bunnies fucking in the desert

tumbleweed sounds permeate your tunnels and sewers

cannons rock foundations of impermanent creations and you put up all the posters, girl. propaganda for a youth movement riot over weed-covered public spaces. space-themed cookery, estate sale, realtor’s children, lemonade escape

electro-groupies get felt down deep, never deign to sleep, escape routes planned before the motorcade even parks

transmit across false goal-posts my admissions and intermissions of a plot too redundant

good kitchen sex

long weekend stretched on
into monday night
good kitchen sex
gourmet pizza
cheap wine
catching up on
television shows lampooning
the religious

back at the office again
overhearing conversations about
dress code violations
blood drawn in last night’s basketball game
no one will clean out
the fridge that smells
like death that we all
store our food in

other people's hangovers

six am
on a sepia road
iced over

my headlights are soft
in the pitch parking lot

I wonder if those cops
at the coffee shop are going
to write me a citation for
weak or burned-out bulbs

at least my guts
are inside me
not fighting their way out
in sour pools of acid
working up my esophagus
and my nerves
aren’t fried this morning
no shakes

little earthquakes open up
the pavement borders
between the panels of sidewalk
underneath me when I
step around the city thinking of
her in the throes of agony,
puking and gripping the bowl,
doubled over and taut flesh around
her midriff wrinkled
into little fat creases,
long neck straining,
veins and beads of sweat
and goose bumps and nausea

an angel
poisoned
perfect

engraved invitation

if we can’t feed the dogs from hell together
couldn’t we at least
be friends with benefits?

it’s a long stretch when you’re away
every fiber within me marking time

trying to find excuses
and strategies for
self-improvement

frozen in habitual
loyalties and indulgences
I fall back on the same laziness
you would love to overcome

like an animal sensing its
own bloodline in the pheromones
you shy away from a man with
all your same weaknesses

stand up straight, boy,
and take the prize
if it’s in you at all

evolved among
rape and aggression
I vainly, eagerly,
pathetically
await my invitation

five syllable night

those globes shook and shook
we both had bad breath
you kept your eyes closed
which made me feel so
very pathetic

now I want to tell
all these assholes to
go the fuck away
stop looking over
paranoid shoulders
during confession

you came home so late
that I fantasized
you were out fucking
or something like it
tortured myself with
the drink until the
second wind stirred me

all morning you asked
if I was alright
I lied through my teeth

fat tuesday

in spirit I am at mardi gras
with all of you

brass rattles the barely-cooled
beers in beige cans

today in the treme there’s
shades of célèbre

today on some islay a girl
with jet black hair

this week on an airplane
another one scared

two westerners teaching
future businessmen

in a strange and universal
money tongue

this morning my love and her
best friend stretch and sweat

then her husband and the band
bang out surf rock

together we all boogie,
drink, eat, sleep

crowd control funnels the river
into alleys, into motels

steamy and dim til the
lamp burns out

poor timing.

this weekend we saw the cops
secure the neighborhood
and it was just like the tv shows
with dozens of vehicles blocking both lanes
and even more officers,
plainclothes and uniformed,
milling around for hours after the shootout.
I made a bad joke about
pigs directing traffic
just beyond earshot
of the mayor
and the chief
making a solemn announcement
in front of the local media.
all day long the patrons asked me
what went on
like I was there
to be the mouthpiece.
me, who picks the worst moments to speak
and studders the most when I have the syllables planned.
fucking pigs.

some inspiring quotes from songs on shuffle today:

"fifteen years is almost done and i don't recognize anyone from the dial-a-view"
-grandaddy, jason lytle

"all the good in the world you can put inside a thimble and still have room for you and me"
-tom waits

"it may be foolish, but i don't give a damn, i'm gonna do this rain dance til you stand here where i am"
-bastions, rebecca sanborn

"do the aqua-velva"
-b-52s, fred schneider

the radical

the radicalization of love
serves you well
clears the skin
and focuses vision

don't forget the guilt
you can generate
when you don't answer texts
people feel like creeps

cleaning house is
a big chore
and the cobwebs never
sweep themselves
into bins
self-disposing guilt
napkin tricks

no one person can be
your window, widow and nurse
you learned it
first hand, girl

so long live your resistance
to all things routine
and futile
you radical,
you

a toast.

that name of yours means
beekeeper
occupational
surname from
southern germany

another good few
for you might
read something like these:
“takes the word mouse back for women”
“beat music culture promoter”
“revolutionary in love” (self-described)

conversation tumbled
forward, but
we never got around to talking
musical genres
yet, did we?

had too much cider
and sugar
and was shaking in
the middle
of the night when I
found the words

goosebumps are clearing
on me now
but there was never
doubt about
whether I should have
just gone out

another time will
unfold, I
know, and then I will
be prepared.

for the time being
we drink to
you and your newfound
love affair
a toast to the revolution!

first-world problems

petulant desires, first-world problems, bucket of wishes, washing yourself clean with self-absorbed admissions, honest in your hypocrisy, like a wasp stinging its brethren, keeping the hive free of ethanol abuses, steeped in a marketplace of flesh, never before leapt upon, never before seen on tv, “never again am I gonna be late, never again am I gonna be late”

wake up and talk to me

the loneliest moments
by far:
are not spent in despair for intimacy
or even with tears welling
but the breaks at work when no one
is awake

every friend I want to grow with and connect to
is either across the globe
or fast asleep in their beds just minutes away

I can’t think of a thing to say to them
that could justify the text

when your window is breezing,
no one is there to peer through

alcohol helps me get to the root of it

i am waiting for
something
to develop

time moves slower than
all my
expectations

machine-gun fire rings
over
a dead valley

someplace where the real
people
harvest decades

intended bleeding
feeling
free the first time

declaration of
comfort
in loyalties

sacred, murderous,
lustful,
beat me, best me

blown apart for the
sake of
brief ownership

come to me on your
own and
really want me

illusions just for
my self-
esteem, thank you

safe sex

Metro to conduct random bag checks
Customs agent charged in year’s top ecstasy bust
TSA under fire after businessman boards international flight with loaded handgun

these are the headlines
in America this morning
the rubes
all distracted
by the shiniest
of sequined dresses flashing
dancing for the prize
on television
secure in illusions while
big brothers grandfather’d in
pull strings on high
spend borrowed caches of liquid
to perpetuate the avalanche
keep the momentum building
keep the world from spinning
expensive atom smashing
experimental volumes of peoples
indulging fetishistic sterilization
group living, safe screwing,
self-adhering dietary
mechanisms nourish

v day

i would have loved to
but i got your message the following morning
and besides
i spent a lot of
mental energy yesterday
burying the urge to
drop off all these weak poems
on your little porch balcony

i imagined hearing
your dog bark
as i made a quick exit,
hoping you were at work
so i could come by in
secret, but not gone
so long that
your neighbors might
venture up to read/steal them
to publish in 'found'
for the mockery of young
beautiful people everywhere

super bowl sunday

i stagger back up the hill to my apartment
stance of a soldier stranded
straining for balance
under the weight of your oppressive heat
beats down like sunshine
till my back shoulders and feet
spring and shudder
pins and needles
falling out from under

that bar was a place
i learned to lean on
and now every face i look in
gives me pause
and i don't want to look them
in the eyes acknowledging
the thrill is gone
without the tiny glowing
promise
of your skin one day
revealed under tinted lights
i never am going to hold the rights
or put up the fight
so do i deserve to taste honey wine?
fuck
taste
learn
teach
feel each
of us growing
sublime
once again 8pm is my
bedtime

cash money

precious metals
have only been
assigned value

heart-shaped jewelry

cuts through metal
cans with all the
precision of
cutting into
a tomato

movies music
intellectual property
you know my name,
now gimme my
money- the hook

sample lifting
mining for ore
among the dead;
wasted hard-ons,
wasted livers,
bleeding hearts and
seething rage, blind

precious mental
images have
only been assigned
to characters

assassinated in the snow
holding onto the
nighttime, children
under sleepwalk
trance

square shoulders

her square shoulders
slender frame
and clothes hanging on
like I would
for dear life
straight marble nose
white skin and
specks of oatmeal freckles
in the whipping cream
she can dance
but I’m not about
to volunteer for that
game
how would it look
to step up
and fall flat
animals dance for their mates
wind up
tortured
by fate
what does she do
in her downtime?
she works too much
then goes home to that dog
with the lovely eyes
digs books
listens to blues music
without humor
without shame
doesn’t watch
a lot of cable all night
this is certain.
she has no internet.
a friend loaned
her a laptop but she
doesn’t seem
interested
in utilizing its word-
processing or
pornographic capabilities
I need to get
in that mind
behind her eyes
or
anyplace else
like that
which can be breached
before the will dissolves
like salt on
the wind
a slug bathed in it
drags itself toward
a crack in the
sidewalk burning
no relief there
and no one cared.
who left you to lay
awake in the morning
wine coming back up
and dreams shaking perfect
bony limbs
to restless butterfly wings
in bed
trapped in memories
and trapped in a
town far from home
where the dream called you
back and then
turned away with some
other vacant dream…
now are you
here for me?
vivid daydream
of wooing you becomes
a vivid daydream
about the day
you leave this place
leave me here head
in hands broken
false sense of sensitivity
but I cried
in the daydream anyway

eugene retires to florida

eugene retires to florida
and I weep for joy

i cry for that
cigarette i asked for
and those last couple
beers and that
slice of cold pizza cj
offered

it was a long slow morning
that passed over
my eyelids
in a ferry ride flash
green yellow
waves rocking each
passenger to
sleep or to heaving

i chatted with matches
for a long while
trying to drag
smoke out of a
swept chimney
with my lungs

they filled up with
scotch and burst over
the dam inside

but veranda took off
to a better place
than planned, so if she
enjoyed herself
with that guy with the
ridiculous moniker
then Everyone had a
decent night!

but this morning
eugene retired to florida
and i wept for joy

i should really be
writing a poem
to jay for never
throwing me out when the
motherfucking
doors close

but he'll get his share.
no doubt i'll be singing
karaoke on someone's
grave with that
magnificent bastard
one day
in the future, of course
all in due time

for now he seems
content to have
a fellow there in the
same boat, slaves
to the same cattle-call
drones unto
the childless future
we will share. at least
in the genetic sense
of parenthood

not quite emasculated
but certainly not rolling
in a two million dollar
inheritance
with go-go dancers
on either arm and an
abusive intolerance
of misunderstood drink
orders

and when jay hears
these thoughts he'll
mock them with me
because its not
the money or the
dancers we want
just freedom to
say it out loud
and maybe get
the fucking job
done now and again
feel like men

so i should call him
up and rustle up
some sin
good safe family
drinking
boys out on the town
next month though
when there is money again

A COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR AS INSTINCTIVE AS BITING MY NAILS OR PICKING MY BEARD OR A CAT MEOWING AT SOME UNSEEN SOURCE OF WATER

I check my email
in vain
as if there will be an onslaught
of messages unread
since the last compulsive
login/logout

this is the reason
I disengaged from
social networking

ghost town

stretch for time
in the ghost town
called morning

never call
parents again
its tiresome

yesterday
yoga was good
but again?

relative
quiet of mind
complacent

gushing to
anyone who
cares to hear

favorite
pastime of the
poor worker

satisfied/
dissatisfied/
wife/husband

we've got no
place to lay down
and dig in

cattle skull
tumbleweed brown
cold prairie

she said that
he was begging
and that it

angered her
so much that she
punished him

two shells left
cabin creaks sharp
prairie wind