gamble

I’d put in two
and took out 56
the night before.

this guy who smells
like shit even though he
runs a business,
he was playing
with the money he earned
at a new job
he had taken
because the food cart was
not paying out.
he was proud of
his experience in
kitchens of all
kinds.

apparently
no one would tell him to
wipe himself clean.

I heard it from
around the corner, his
giddy shouting:
“I passed my rent
two hundred bucks ago!”
I went over
curious to
know which game had treated
him right, and how
right?

he morphed from a
stinking gambler with a
faint brown moustache
to a hero
of the bar in just a
few snap moments
with six hundred
and change to show for his
dedication

the same flush of
envy, then guilt came to
me as when I
see a woman
I want to take home and then
I remember
how wrong it is even
to entertain
the notion in
this addled libido’s
mind of my own.

sex that never
happened is in the same
arena as
watching a guy
wasting his cash praying
for one great lay???

I’d put in two
and took out 56
the night before.

that’s a better
track record than the one
I hold in bed.

descent into honesty

i am grateful
that you
weren't cruel

the rejection i recall
best is from
when that friend
we told you about
lost her mind

years before that
at our drug
hookup's
apartment
she took a bath
enjoyed the
space
as opposed
to in the dorms

she was complaining
through the door
about dog hair
in the tub
but got real clean
anyway
and then called
to me through
the door
"dave, do you wanna
see a naked girl?"

i stammered affirmative
and there was
all six feet
of her
wet and with
heaving pendulum
flesh
spinning once or twice
before me
on exhibit

then she lounged
about in
someone's robe
much on display
while we blazed
with kyle and
those roommates
cooked dinner
for one
another
and those
dogs

so years later
when she
finally lost it
it was black
nipple tape
freudian nightmares
and a grassroots
campaign for
mayor

she showed up
topless and
engaged my
elderly neighbor lady
in conversation
for a long long time
before coming
into our place
and dan pissed
in her ear
about growing up
and taking
responsibility
for her erratic
bullshit but
she just cried
a bit and then
started changing
in front of me
and talking about
my very hot
girlfriend

i leapt at my
chance
"i could eat your
pussy… she'll
be home soon"
there it was
after all
peeking out
from fabric that kept
coming on and off
somehow
"i don't think you'd
enjoy that very much. I've
had sex with three people
in the last two nights."

it devolved into
discussing how
much she
wanted her
and how much
we would both
like to get
with her, which
was a matter
of public record
in our
relationship, and
she revealed the
deal breaker
"but i don't want to
have sex
with you"
and i'll never
know if it
was her sanity
peeled back
or a casual honesty
just like any
other time
so i'll take the
day to my grave
the ugly, the awkward
just wanna touch
the pretty
and we'd all
be enslaved
and trade much
for the chance to
shine in that sun
perfect animals
meeting environmental
survival conditions
but sometimes
carrying angelic
beauty with you on
one arm can't even
get you into that
nightclub