small talk

i'm sitting alone
scotch
coke
smoldering
staring quietly

not upset
just not here
to chat

i'm sitting like that
when the
fuzzy little reject
stands right
in my sightline
gestures
"may i?"

i wave at the space in
front of me
but with my eyebrows
i shrug
too subtle
there are no fewer
than ten available
seats

he sits
i try politely
to avert my eyes
i find this sort
of uninvited
socializing
aggressive

he's a nice guy
but i feel it coming
something so dull
he sighs
stretches his neck
sighs
stretches more
finally
"getting ready to get up
early tomorrow..."

"thats ok, though.
i get to come down
here, have a
good time."

"well, not early..."

"10:30, 11:00..."

"not real
early...
but when you
usually get up
around 11:30, 12:00..."

christ
i haven't said
anything
why does he
keep going?

i'm sitting
like that
when cute young
things
tell me about
their dating
troubles

"i only attract
dumb gross frat
guys or older guys
who make
me feel
like i have
daddy
issues."

"he just
assumed
i would pay his rent."

"i'm having the
talk tonight."

i'm sitting like that
when beautiful
strippers come
stuttering with
social anxiety
and take selfies
with my phone

i'm sitting like that
when some
single mom
dumps hippie jargon
all over a guy
whose friend
just overdosed

i sit
while civilians
take shrapnel
and
cackling hyenas
bark orders

sit like that
while new
plagues spread

while new crazes
hit the dance
floor
while carpets are
ripped up
tiled over
demolished
then paved
pounded
crumbled
returned to sand

misspelled

full up with flame
shameful duplicity
what's in a name

'consequence'
and 'limerence'
are spelled
without 'a'

lines in my palm
and time
burdened her guts
inflammable verse
spurts rhyme
espouses
crimes against
us victimized
mollusks
trading cold shells

breeze returns to brooklyn

zach's friend OD'd,
dead in her twenties

and
seth fell out,
an ambulance took him

and
rosie sits down
with her man
tonight,
to have
the talk

i spent a day
in the sun
i spent a day
in the pool
i spent this
mourning
cleaning up the
kitchen but cooking
is another question

eating is another
misdirection
of energy spent
fixating
on what's next

romantic sex
is a rare cut
in a finite playlist
that only seems
infinite
for the beat
never drops
even
while we
dream

everyone gets took

that toothbrush
still boxed that
i'll open somewhere else

that virgin paddle
i never used
on her,
or her,
or her

the gleaners,
hope chest,
dining room table
in pieces
in storage

the sheer shirt
still stained
brown with spilled
rye

a photo,
a bag full of
panties i pulled off
i can't even look
at the colors
of them

that last condom i
was going to
thumb my nose at
while we fucked pure
with clean bills of
health

a business card,
frozen soup,
overdue books,
the cable bill,
a rolling pin

its all theirs
i can't seem to
throw them out

my cock
my pulse
my glasses
my belief in mercy
its all theirs

summer rages

there is so fucking
much i want
to say

see the futility
i won't waste
your time

paralyzed invites
personal
wastelands

negotiation
had never
begun

appropriate time
and measures,
rookie

read between the land
mines or get
blown up

mother-
fuck.

even the exceptional

that sweet
narcotic
afterglow
rings in my
ears,
hums deep
pink noise
pitched hard,
shifted by
variable thresholds,
so th sound
hypnotizes

truth is born
as necessity
emerges,
you realize
th people
surrounding you
have little
on offer

they're mostly nowhere,
born or
breathed,
and
even unlikely
lives; birthed premature,
thriving despite
disaster,
or achieving
th impression
of certainty,
all reveal themselves
craven and withering,
impotent and
so
potent

they'll ask for love
anywhere
til th habit
redeems
for a short window,
then its closed,
so they seek new
rooms,
new views

they'll never see
how foolish
they look
staring
out
identical
suburban
windows

call me old fashioned (a series of bad jokes)

i was talking to
someone the other
night,
not Tuesday,
but
some other woman
at a bar,
of course

this one doesn't know you,
but having
been burnt
in good ol'
poly fashion
herself
she warned me,
told me,
"this might
be just
a learning experience
for you"

but all i could
think
was
"we might
be giants"

past tense

i was game
for all of it

we had nothing
but time

willingness was
never
work

constancy was never
an issue
but there was will
there was hope

just a new
greatness
looming

speech was our
biggest barrier

idle tongues
lazy whims

breeze stirred
emotion on a
different current
each breath
each day

and to
express it
with words is
inadequate
sure

but the
secret pieces in haystack
lines
i couldn't assess
their numbers
like
a savant

she
wouldn't
speak

her eyes would roll

she didn't suffer fools
so i admired her
more

i hadn't lived
up
to whatever fantasy
i had inspired

but she wouldn't
say that

wake-up call

at 5:38 am
i heard thunder
seconds later
a flash of blue and pink
as the breeze pushed
the blinds forward
early light filled
my
room
a moment

i pulled on shorts
t shirt
went out
lit a smoke and
shivered

coldest memory
so far
this summer
spastic breath
goosebumps
while the flask and
the self-hypnosis
handouts waited
on my bedside table

it was winter
last time
the wind cut
so clean

i saw shadows bending
at the bus stop
that day
light
herself
was confused at
where to spray
and so are you, baby

so was she

so are we all

so say we all

birthday girl

laugh or cry
she can't decide.

won't be tied
to any position,
all colors
and textures
a blinding web
demanding nothing
and everything

too much pressure,
scattered
potentials
outrun us all

light years,
tracers from thousands
of phantom
timelines

and we can see it
in the trees
sometimes
derisive
leaves
shake, roll
flourish, fall, fold

the muck feeds
the roots and
the generational shadows
taunt us,
the language fails
the reptile parts
and we run
or we
devour.

dream interpretation

trust was
more
than an
exercise

it was rebirth
it was a mutant mother
it was your opponent resigning

same stress dream
all these years
a stage production
and i never learned
my lines
but the curtain drops
tonight

finally, resonance:
i had prayed for
communication
the one thing
that's supposed to
be there
in these games
but even speech
requires
too much
effort